Archive List for June 2016

When I knew that I was pregnant, needless to say, I was super excited   

How I wished to tell everyone the good news, just like anyone would do.

Even after I’ve got through my first trimester, a stable stage during pregnancy, I was still reluctant to get this news to public.., even to my friends..

Unlike my first pregnancy, which went all public with overly excitement us, who did not think much of any circumstances that might occurred..

What I wanted to reveal is, exactly one year before I knew I was pregnant with my new Little-big-boss, I was pregnant

A pic from year 2014 September

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But a miscarriage..
I felt like I was brought up high to the sky when I got a “line” on the pregnancy test, and being slammed back down to the bottom of the earth  when the doc told me that this baby is not likely to be growing inside my tummy..

There was no heartbeat detected on my 7 weeks checkup..

This miscarriage was really an experience for me. A valued one.

I was shocked and sad, but not extremely.

I did my research and knew that, especially for an early miscarriage, it was not an accident, nor a fault from the outside or inside. It was a coincidence.

It was due to chromosomal abnormality. A cause that is biologically natural that would occurred to anyone, even if you are a completely healthy person.

It was said that in 10 pregnancies, there is a very high percentage that one pregnancy will end up on a miscarriage of chromosomal abnormality..
Just that I got it on my second pregnancy.. (kinda? )

It is not a rare case.

To think of me myself is a living being, this miscarriage is just a natural occurrence. Not a thing that can be prevented.
In fact, I considered this as lucky, where I didn’t carry this  abnormality to a further stage..
Most of the time, the nature is all made up very fine itself. The body knows something is wrong and tried to terminate it.

This fact balanced up my shattered feeling a lot.

Though sad and confused, I was kinda ok with my feeling.

Just that, I was afraid to face the upcoming pain.

I chose not to have a D & C surgery (Dilation and Curettage). I chose to wait for the fetus to come out by itself.

I was told that I shouldn’t wait for too long for it might cause an infection.

Yeah, I can’t deny that I was still carrying a slight hope that this baby is growing inside.. maybe the doc missed out something, or maybe the heart hasn’t start beating yet only?, lost counting cz of my irregular menstruation? 

I had a time limit of 4 weeks, if nothing miracle or the not-growing fetus is not coming out naturally, I will have to undergo the D & C procedure..

Obviously, there was no miracle.

I waited without any signs but knowing that my baby is not growing inside me..for like more than 3 weeks.
-It was dreadful..

A few days before my D & C appointment, I started bleeding.

At last some sign!

Bleeding from really light to heavy with lots of clots. One of this clots is supposedly the fetus..

I was still bleeding until the day of my appointment..

I was hoping that my tummy is cleared but no.. fetus still there..
But doc said it will come out soon, so we decided not to perform the surgery yet.

True enough, at night on the same day, I felt like my womb was going to tear off! Felt so heavy and pain. Much bleeding and with more clots! Big one!

Some people said this felt like a mini labor, and I couldn’t agree more.

The pain came very gradually.

Felt so much pain at one point and so much was coming out that I need to get rid of them in the toilet..

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The great pain subsided on the same night..

Went to the doc the next day, and as expected, all is gone.

I was relieved.
Studies and researchers revealed that early miscarriage (due to chromosomal abnormality) is not all a bad news. It also proved that we can conceive normally, and most likely the next pregnancies are going to be good one with a healthy baby  Most of the time, miscarriage is a one-time occurrence.

So if anyone is experiencing the same case, don’t worry too much!
This is also an episode of life  which still not a bad one, just a coincidence.
(If this is hard for you to accept, maybe try to think that your baby forgot something and he just went back to God to get it )

My only concern after that was, I couldn’t made it to give a look on my not-growing fetus..

2-3 months of rest, we tried to conceive again. I wish that my baby comes back to me as soon as possible to fill my lost.

And he did! -exactly 1 year after that
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Once again, meet Kta, my new Little-big-boss! Freshly out from the oven